As the New Year approaches and I look back over the years, I realize that some of the most important events of my life have happened around the first of a New Year.

The year of 1936 my family got up in the dark of night to drive to Pasadena for the Rose Parade. Bells chiming as we drove through a small town woke me up. Perhaps those bells were ringing in the New Year of 1937. That year Hitler occupied the Rhineland and Germany opened a concentration camp at Buchenwald. War was on the horizon but I, in my safe world, didn't know it.

New Year's Eve of 1943 my family and I greeted 1944 playing games and eating Christmas candy with Grandma and Grandpa Miller. Mankind was at war and the radio played "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and "You'll Never Know Just How Much I Miss You." The USO helped soldiers far away from home.

New Year's Eve of 1944, I babysat for a soldier and his wife. German officers attempted to assassinate Hitler, U.S. Marines invaded Guam, allied forces discovered Nazi extermination camps, trains were jammed with soldiers and we listened as "I'll Walk Alone" and "I'll Get By" filled the air waves. I played the piano and sang "There's a New Flag on Iwo Jima."

The New Year of 1945 the U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Hitler committed suicide. Life was hopeful. The storms of battle had passed and World War II was over.

New Year's Eve of 1947 I spent with friends, Janet and Nancy Mackey. We read our Bibles and went outside at midnight to add our voices to the loud cheering. The "Dairy of Anne Frank" was published. I bought sheet music and played "I Wish I Didn't Love You So," "Wedding Bells" and "Forever and Ever" on the piano.

New Year's Eve, 1949 saw me on my first date with a young man named Earl. We went to a square dance and married later that summer as Communists moved across the globe.

The New Year of 1950 brought the invasion of North Korea. "Harbor Lights" was played on the radio and I lived in fear that my husband would have to go back to the service. Earl and his fellow workers had a good-bye party at the local bar because they were sure they would be called back to the service. He didn't go to war. My personal war was on the horizon but I didn't know it.

The New Year of 1951 we stayed home because Earl didn't want to be out on the road with "all those drunks."

New Year's Eve of 1954 found us living in Leadville across the street from a bar. From our window we saw a man celebrating the New Year by beating his wife. When we called the police the wife didn't want to press charges. The radio played "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays," "I'll Never Stop Loving You" and Doris Day sang "If I Give My Heart to You." Earl couldn't drink in Leadville because the high altitude made him sick. We should have stayed there and prevented our private war.

The New Year of 1955 would see us moving to Brighton as the Salk vaccine started fighting the war on polio. I got my shot and spent the next day sick in bed.

Nineteen fifty-six was a good year. Earl's brother was killed and we started going to church. The pastor and his wife were our best friends. We asked them to our house for New Year's Eve and he promptly invited the whole church. We had a party.

The year of 1959 Fidel Castro ousted Batista in Cuba and I, the person who hated alcohol, took my first drink. My excuse was the Public Service parties where my husband left me with my three little girls at the door, while he talked to his friends. I didn't want to go to those parties anymore but he insisted so I started having a couple of drinks with him before the party. It helped, I could relax and talk to strangers.

The year of 1963 the conflict in my life escalated as a girl started calling in the middle of the night. My sister-in-law told me she got a letter from the girl stating that my husband had promised to divorce me and marry her. He didn't. Trying to win that battle I went to the doctor and got nerve pills.

As the New Year of 1971 came 200,000 anti-Vietnam protestors marched. That was the year I mixed alcohol with nerve pills. The Public Service party was a complete blackout for me. I fell into the bathtub and got angry at my youngest daughter, Lois because she was afraid that I was becoming an alcoholic.

In 1973 our family was together for New Year's Eve. We had a good time until my son-in-law, Ron offered Lois' boyfriend some Marijuana. Ron later admitted to me that he was addicted to Marijuana and I realized that I was addicted too, to alcohol. I hit rock bottom and went back to church to beg for God's help. Ron stopped smoking pot and turned his life over to God nine months before he was killed on the highway.

The New Year of 1975 was a good one. The Vietnam War was over and my world was at peace. Earl didn't drink and there were no battles that year. We went to church. He was Sunday School Superintendent and was the perfect husband I had longed for.

The New Year of 1976 Earl decided he could hold it and started drinking again. He took pills for his nerves.

The New Year of 1977 saw me knocked around by my husband. When my daughter called the police I didn't press charges. Bleakness filled my world as I surrendered and admitted that I'd lost the war. I filed for divorce.

The New Year of 1979 Earl married another woman. My daughter, grandsons Billy and Larry, spent New Year's Eve in Disneyland. I bought a bottle of whiskey in Florida and tried drinking. It didn't help; I poured it down the drain and never had the desire to drink again.

New Year of 1980 found my daughter, grandson Billy and I playing games and eating candy just as I had done with my grandparents many years ago. The New Year brought the eruption of Mount St. Helen's. My personal war was over and I was recovering.

The year of 1987 Bill was 15 and he started on his "teenage rebellious years." He went to a neighbor's house and helped shoot his gun. My private war was only a memory now.

Now New Year's Eve of 1998 is here and my world is quiet. The private war in my heart is over and I am at peace. As I look back over the years I realize that some of the most important events in my life have happened around the first of a new year.