The Outhouse Guard

Nineteen forty-eight was the year that Joe DiMaggio held the American lead in home runs. NBA World Champions were the Baltimore Bullets and the NFL Champions were the Philadelphia Eagles.

The Sunday morning comic strips featured "Ella Cinders, Li'l Abner, Abbie and Slats, Ferd'nand," and "Wash Tubbs."

There wasn't any TV but radio kept us entertained. We liked "Amos and Andy, One Man's Family" and "Fibber Megee and Molly." I especially stopped to listen to the soothing music of Sammy Kaye and Guy Lombardo on Sunday afternoons.

"You Can't Be True Dear" was played in the roller skating rink we went to in Ottumwa. Now, 50 years later one part of that old skating rink building has a huge horse in the middle of the room. It's a store for horse lovers. My brother-in-law, Ray Carter loved the place.

I had an allowance of $2.00 a week in those days. School lunches were $1.25 a week so that gave me 75 cents to spend foolishly. Sheet music cost 60 cents so it was a luxury but I splurged and spent hours playing the piano and singing "Red Roses for A Blue Lady, Buttons and Bows, You Were Only Fooling, Apple Blossom Wedding, I Wish I Didn't Love you So," and "Forever and Ever."

Wedgies were my favorite Sunday-go-to meeting shoes. A lot of other girls liked them too. Today women wear skirts with varied lengths but in that day so long ago in order to be in style our skirts had to come to the middle of the leg, no shorter, no longer.

I remember the movie "Johnny Belinda" and wasn't surprised when Jane Wyman won best actress of the year for her part. Abbott and Costello made us laugh in "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein."

The Chicago Tribune mistakenly reported that Harry Truman had lost the election and Thomas Dewey was the new president. Truman got a big laugh as he held up a newspaper announcing his defeat. It became known as "Truman's surprise victory."

There was no war in 1948, but there was tension because beginning in June of that year the Soviets blockaded West Berlin. The blockade was caused by disagreement over the Western Allies' decision to join the areas of Germany they occupied following World War II. Britain and the United States began the Airlift and flew more than two million tons of supplies to Berlin before the blockade was over in September of 1949.

On a farm near Hedrick, where I was living with my sister and brother-in-law I had my own private battle.

The Carter family lived down the road from Lois and Ray. Ray's grandmother, his mother, Lulu and his uncles, Alfred and Orville lived in a big house that had a porch around it.

Like so many other farmhouses in that time there was no indoor bathroom at the Carter home. The outhouse sat in back, inside a fenced yard. I was accustomed to outhouses, but this one had an added attraction. The first time I went on that path the Carters warned me to watch out for the goose.

"Which goose?" I asked.The guard goose hissed, stuck out his neck and started after me.

"You'll know," they said. Now I had never had any experience with geese but I had owned an ornery pet rooster so I wasn't worried and I foolishly walked, unprepared, right into that gander's territory. I didn't have to wonder which goose it was, he made himself known. There were several geese out there but the guard goose was captain of the ranks because he marched over to me as soon as I entered his gate. I don't remember how big that goose was but I can you tell you he looked enormous to me. I hear that geese are supposed to be vegetarians but I have my suspicions this bird didn't know he was supposed to be partial to vegetables. He acted like he had a taste for a little meat.

The guard goose hissed, stuck out his neck and started after me. I don't know if he was the leader of the pack or if he was the entire army. I didn't wait around to find out. Forgetting that nature was calling I high tailed it back into the house so fast that honking bird didn't even get a little taste of my anatomy. When I got back into the house I was the only one who wasn't laughing and I didn't think it was all THAT funny.

After they wiped the tears of laughter from their eyes the Carters gave me a stick to use as protection against that big bird. So fortified with a weapon I once again made the long, dangerous trip to the outhouse. Sure enough the non-vegetarian gander came after me, but I brandished my stick so he stopped. Swinging my club I backed all the way to that outhouse. I wasn't anxious to go out in the yard again but who wants to sit in an outhouse all day? I forced myself back on the path and backed all the way to the gate. After losing one battle I had no intention of turning my back on that noisy old goose again. I hurled myself out of the gate. From that time on I learned to take a weapon with me when I went in to the war zone.

I'm not sure what happened to that goose but he disappeared one day. It seems to me it was somewhere around the holidays. If someone tried to eat that tough old bird I'll bet they broke a tooth. All I know is I didn't miss him.

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