You can always tell when my sister Candy and I are unhappy. My Grandma says we have expressive tails. Humans don't seem to have a tail. It's too bad, life would be easier for them if they were just built right like I am. They have to use their faces to show their emotions but it's much easier to show how I feel because I have a tail. If my tail is up and it's wagging it I'm happy and if it's sagging, I'm sad. See how easy that is. I have a beautiful long train and it's been drooping lately because my Mother's gone. I don't know where she went. The other day she and Grandma left the house with a couple of suitcases. I'm not sure which is worse, a suitcase or those things humans calls cars.

I hate suitcases because I'm smart enough to know that it means someone is going to disappear. Sure enough, Grandma came home but Mama didn't. Last summer Grandma left with some bags and she was gone for a long time. She said it was only two weeks, but I think it was longer.

I hate cars, too. The car takes my Mama away from me every morning. Grandma's not quite as bad, she stays home one or two days a week. Those are the only days I can relax. When everyone leaves it's hard to sleep, and all I can do is doze. After all I am a watchdog even if I am Grandma and Mama's baby. Why don't they get my sister Candy and I a baby sitter when they go somewhere?

Cars are dangerous. They scare me. If Grandma makes me get into the car I'm always afraid she's going to take me back to that awful place to see the man dressed in white. He looked nice and he spoke to me in a soft tone but he was naughty because he poked me with something sharp. I suspect my own Grandma was in cahoots with him because she cuddled me but wouldn't let me get away. I cried. If I'd had any pants on I think I would have wet them. My tail was really drooping that day.

I don't wear clothes. I don't need them. My black coat is quite enough for me. Grandma and Mama tried to make my sister Candy wear a sweater once but she was too smart for them. She just sat there and wouldn't move until they took it off. We never saw that blamed thing again.

We don't have a very big family now. I have a human brother, who used to live with us. He was fun, he played with us and chased us. Of course Candy and I were a lot younger then. But he stopped being any fun until the day he brought home a lovely wife. I could always depend on her for some ear scratching. One day they came in with a little bundle in a blanket. I was Aunt Cookie now and I knew my duty. I had to watch out for him. I loved to sit and watch him especially when he was crawling around the house on all fours, but then he started walking on his two hind legs and chasing me. My tail really drooped. Thank goodness he was clumsy so I could get away from him.

My brother and wife and the little runner went somewhere else to live but they come to see us and the little guy is good now and hardly ever steps on my long silky tail. They brought another one of those bundles home with them one day. She was so sweet until she started walking on her hind legs and then I had to start hiding again. She's better now and can always be counted on for a biscuit handout. She likes to carry my biscuits around. I'm always glad to see brother and his wife and those little runners.

When I was cutting teeth I used to chew on things. Library books were fun. It was worth getting yelled at because the pages felt so good on my gums when I tore them out. Now I just carry my toys outside and leave them. Grandma will pick them up.

My sister Candy's the leader. She's not the toughest though, we've had some good fights and I always beat but Grandma gets angry and has a nasty habit of squirting water on us if we fight. I hate water so I let Candy think she's the boss. I used to love water. When I was a pup I chased the sprinkler when Grandma moved it but I'm eight years old now and that means in dog years I'm 56 so I have to be dignified. I hate to take baths and hate to have my long, black hair brushed.

My sister Candy and I work hard guarding the house. We sit on the porch and let strangers know we see them. Candy's the main barker though. I just join in when a cat or dog goes by. It's fun to chase cats but we don't get too many opportunities because we don't get out of the yard unless no one is looking. We used to have a cat of our own and we had her trained properly. She knew Candy and I were the bosses.

We have always had our own private door to our yard. My big brother put in a new door. I didn't like the looks of the thing. I wasn't going to use it, but Grandma was not very nice, she shoved me through it. I held out for a day or so but then I got desperate and had to go outside.

My brother put in a new step by our door recently but Candy and I wouldn't use it, no siree. I could see the ground way down there and it was scary. Finally Grandma put a rug on it so now I'll go out. We have been training her to do things our way but Grandma isn't too smart and doesn't learn very fast. It takes a lot of patience. I don't know when we'll ever get her to understand our language.

I'm an escape artist but Grandma has a bad habit of closing up my route. If she'd just leave the gate open she wouldn't have to rake the yard so often.

I have some people peeves. One of them is that I don't want my people to put food in a dog dish. I'd rather have it fed to me by hand. Grandma gives us treats every night. Sometimes she tries to sneak something different in but I'm too smart for that. She makes us sit up and shake hands. I can walk but for some reason when I try to walk like those humans do I can't go forward. Backwards is good enough for me. Candy and I can say our prayers too. We have been praying that Mama would come home soon.

I have to go now. I wonder where my Mother is. She better hurry back because I'm getting tired of letting my tail hang down.